How can this last forever?

Take a good look at that painting above. What does it tell you?
It says to me that every one of us personally put Jesus on the cross, we ALL held that mallet and that spike, and we hammered it through his wrists, we ALL hoisted him on that hill that night.

The crazy part is that even if we were the only person ever created, he would have done it for us. He loved us so much that he WILLINGLY took that burden for us, He loved us so much he took all our pain away, he loves us so much he will carry you when you are about to collapse.

say Owen. aren't you being a little pretentious? maybe even a lil "holier then thou"?
NO

I fell down like I never thought could happen, EVERY SINGLE fear i ever had came true, everything i worked so hard to prevent from happening happened. All my barriers were destroyed, all my love was taken from me. I shot myself in the chest with a BB gun to try and take away the pain. I thought about swerving into traffic constantly, I would cry and cry and cry, wishing someone would hear me pleading, hear me screaming. Someone did hear me screaming, they tried to help. But I was too much to handle, I ended up destroying the only thing that had been keeping me going for months, all I thought about and all I wanted.

Gone, in a single afternoon.

It was when I lost the only thing that I had left that I let go. I jumped off a cliff and just hoped to die, I fell, and fell, and fell. There was no bottom, I was ready for the collision, I WANTED the impact. I wished the ground would take mercy on me and meet me halfway.

Instead, when everything was gone, those two arms grabbed me. They held me up, just above the desert floor, He whispered in my ear, "I Love You."

It was all I needed, it saved me. I looked into the abyss. And i jumped.

No one was waiting for me, No one wanted to catch me (Although Meagan, you did slow my fall for that one night, thank you.) Love caught me, pure, true, simple. Love. It didn't manifest itself in anyway shape or form. There was no person in came out of, there was no specific action that showed it to me.

It was inside of me.

I just knew that it was there, that it was all that's important. That it's all i want to be: pure love. And by that I mean God of course, for he is pure love. He carried me through my brokenness. He saw me for who I really was: A desperate boy looking for love, so desperate I'd rather die then live without "love". And when everyone was too busy, when everyone was unable or unknowing or uncaring. He wasn't.

For you know everything about me,
And still you love me as I am.
I can't change everything around me,
but you can make me whole.
(blocking out the sun, The Send)

Don't be mistaken, my heart still hearts. My head still spins. My mind still drifts some days. I am nowhere near a perfect man. I just know what it's like to be shattered. I have no fear of death, or of pain, or of sacrifice. For I looked every fear in the eye, and blinked, i lost every battle. I stood up and got kicked down. over and over. Most of the time by myself, by my unreasonable expectations, by my own disillusions (They seriously kicked THE SHIT out of me). But also by the people i thought I could trust. And i will never forget that feeling.

I don't know where I'm going with all of this, i just sat down and started typing. I hope this makes some sense, or maybe helps someone somewhere someday. I'll just leave off with a song
that fits me, and fits that painting.
RED- Pieces
I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!

I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole