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More dreams and dreams and dreams.
1 sec... Sometimes I feel stupid for posting my reality in here. I know it's not like anyone reads it, but on the small chance that someone does, I'd feel real stupid about how absolutely insane these posts make me sound. Don't get me wrong, I'm no where near sane. I think I'm just less shitty then I seem.
anyways back to your regularly scheduled program......dreams, and more dreams about yours fucking truly. (Cassie). I don't understand what's going on. This is absolutely ridiculous, even for myself. I've done some really stupid things and made more then my share of mistakes. But this 9 month (maybe even) "obsession" is straight fucked.
What's even stranger is that I hate it. I hate where I am, how I feel. Yet I am the reason I am stuck in this prison, and me alone. Sure I had some help finding my way here, but it's not their fault. I hate fucking Cassie and wish nothing ever got started. Nothing will ever be worth this torture. I'm trying, but I can't break this.
What's even worse is that my brother isn't fucked, not one tiny little bit, talked with him for an extended period of time to find that he's happy and mentally healthy. We go through the same shit (parental terms), yet it starts me on a collision course with downtown shitville. In my opinion I did have a shittier teenage experience, (I'm just saying that to make me feel better though)
I have no idea what's going on right now, complete chaos. On the plus side of my mental state: I have an EMDR appointment set up with a psych, which hopefully is a start towards some positive change. All that therapy during the summer apparently did jack all, but this sounds like it could produce some actual results.
God help me if it doesn't, help me if it does too for that matter. I need a lot of help.
There is still one thing I love: my music.
