Weekends!!!!!!

So went camping on Friday, which was a lot more fun then I thought it would be. Standard operation: Late night, drunk people, early mornings, and the best food ever.

I left on Saturday, it's not that I had anything better to do. I don't know exactly why I had to come back. Part of me says I didn't want to get bored with Saturday night being an identical repeat. But I think it has more to do with the fact that I'm fucking insane.

Well, not realy. I just mean that I'm unable to enjoy stuff right now, I need to search, I need to find. I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for, I'd love to find the ability to help people, or find my future (curse the present). Or that "someone". But I don't think I'm supposed to find those things.

I look, earnestly, with focus and dedication, and the right state of heart. Yet, I feel as if I'm farther away from my dreams then ever before. Therefore, I must be dreaming the wrong dreams, looking for the wrong things. However, I'm only happy when I come nearer to my dreams.

So do I look for what doesn't satisfy me?? Or do I fight a losing battle???

Speaking of dreams, Another one of Cassie (Woohoo). This one is super messed up, all I know is that any memory of her still hurts me.

So her and I were in a plane crash. I lived and she dissapeared, so I went looking for her, Months later I'm back at the crash site and I see her walking away. I chase after her and catch up with her. She looks at me and says "You should have been there with me"

Then she says "I can't go back." So I immediately responded by saying "I can't go back either. But you can start over."

Somehow we were inside somewhere. She started saying stuff that I can't remember, but reaches for the phone and starts to dial some number. I remember that I didn't recognize it in the dream. So I hit her in the face, it gave her a bleeding nose.

So she is shocked and stuff, and I start crying, feeling really bad about myself. So I hugged her and kept repeating over and over about how sorry I am.

Then I woke up. Feeling really shitty about myself, and about everything in general. I know I'm not the guy to hit anyone. Not even some prick who deserved it, let alone someone I care about. Yet in the dream I did it.

I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm trying to do what's right. I'm trying to move on, to forgive and forget. I just keep getting caught in the undertow, over and over again.

Discovered a new band though, Decyfer Down. Here's a good song by them.

Fading - Decyfer Down
It starts with one time to fit in
Addiction slowly setting in
I drifted off into dismay

(bridge)
Eyes looking back at me
I can't even see your face
The pressure is closing in
It's taking me again.

(chorus)
Wait, It's all that I can take
And every single day
A part of my soul is fading.
But now, by letting go somehow
Unshackled and unbound
I'm calling out your name, I'm fading.
So save me, from what I've become

It's like a force that's fooling you
Its empty promise hides the truth

(bridge)
(chorus)

Wait, just about to break
Help me see the way
I'm shattering to pieces on the floor

(chorus) x2