Take a Look and See for Yourself What Makes a Man a Man

Megan came back for the night. So we went to her house for a couple drinks before everyone went to the bar. I had a couple drinks early on and was having a great time with a couple people, but as more important people arrive I always feel in the background, even when I'm involved in the conversations. So I decided to stop drinking as it would just lead to a night of sadness and drive people where they wanted to go.

Ended up having long conversations about video games with Mroz and Boots at Cam's house, which will do, but it's not what I want. Although I have constant thoughts of inferiority I'm thoroughly convinced I posses some sort of value. This is only a logical perspective, based upon my perceived abilities and how I relate to people, I think I'm proficient at being "social" or "liked". Yet, the results of such evenings are always the opposite of my prior observations.

So what's off? My self-awareness? My applied interaction? Something isn't working like it should, as the cause isn't correlating with the effect. I'm trying to figure it out but for many years I've felt like something is a little bit off, and after attempts and successes at improving so many different aspects of myself the most basic of problems still persist.

I leave off with a quote from Paradise Lost, by John Milton, Book IV

Context: Satan has just reached Eden and is reflecting upon himself

Hadst thou the same free Will and Power to stand?
Thou hadst: whom hast thou then or what to accuse,
But Heav’ns free Love dealt equally to all?
Be then his Love accurst, since love or hate,
To me alike, it deals eternal woe.