Regulation

So I'll start off this post by supplying a little back story to the last couple weeks. My average dropped by around 6 percent for the semester because I fucked up a couple assignments after working moderately hard the rest of the semester. So I've been somewhat frustrated with myself. Then with Christmas coming, I left my shopping until the last couple days which didn't help. My dad arrived late on the 27th and being around him and Diane takes more effort than normal. then on top of that, I picked up a sore throat, managed to overcome that quickly though.


So I've been stressed and tired for the last couple weeks and hopefully I've provided enough context to account for the last post. I swear I'm not as crazy as these posts, I usually only feel motivated to write when I'm upset, thus, if someone only read this blog they would probably avoid me.

Continuing on, I changed paces by having one fantastic New Years Eve. Unfortunately I wasn't allowed the day after to recover (which I needed) and spent more time with my dad. finally arrived at home with adequate time to sleep, when all of a sudden I find myself unable to switch off. I lay in bed thinking for hours and even with a little sleep incentive (pills) I still awoke many times during the night. I was not even stressed, my thoughts were about trivial moments.

I've always had a rather intense aspect when getting started with women and generally come on too strong. This has seen a fair amount of disaster because by the time I level out to my usual self they think I'm bat-shit crazy and peace out. This area of my life has always been a weak spot that I try to regulate. It's bad for my own emotions (highs and lows) and prevents relationships (friend or romantic) from growing.

This is particularly disappointing to me because I strongly believe that everyone deserves a fair opportunity before judgement is passed. Back to the present, despite my stress and fatigue I feel that I am doing much better than previous encounters and am excited about this new development. I feel quite hopeful about it, but need to remain cautious.

Josh is leaving to Calgary tomorrow and his going away is tonight at O'Shea's. Hopefully I will be able to sleep after that. Sleep deprivation is terrible to a person's mental health and I don't want to come off as needy, or crazy, or undesirable simply because of stress and lack of sleep.

I will leave off with a part of a song that is similar to my current feelings
The Cave - Mumford & Sons
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again